Massive confusion with no humor involved

Should I attempt to take classes? Should I wait until I can pay for them? Should I legitimately apply? Is it useless to try? Rhyming unintended. Caffeine is not making me giddy this time around, more like inducing my state of confusion and feeling of inferiority. Mainly would I be doing this to lessen my anxiety rather than working towards a goal I am actually interested in? Why didn't I think of these things two years ago? Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

I thought yesterday was Friday

Upon jogging down a local bike path I have seen some notable things the past couple of months. Bunnies the size of my fist grazing in the grass. An Asian man walking backwards, but turning around sheepishly as I pass him. (I was running forward.)An innumerable amount of dog waste left by irresponsible pet owners. And a woman holding her dogs...rather than walking them.

Perhaps my favorite sight thus far has been the Mother and Daughter teams out for their evening "exercise". They walk at the pace of snails in leisure wear, gossiping about family. Sometimes they have dogs with them, sometimes they wear scowls on their faces.

The common thread is that they walk on the left side of the path. We are not in Europe. No matter how much I wish this to be true...it's just not the case. People drive on the right side, why would we walk on the left? There are signs posted to prevent this. They say to "keep to the right, pass on the left." Seems simple enough. I guess they never had my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Andresen. She stood in the middle of the hallway when changing classes and sang melodically "To the right, To the right, To the right right right"

This aggravated my young mindset, but now I wish to shout it at these flabby women. What if a bike comes barreling at me, and as I am forced to pass them on the right...the bike flattens me? What if one of those police 4 -wheelers issues me a ticket for passing on the right? So many terrible possibilities that will likely never happen. But come on. It's the principle.

Red-Faced Anger

I accidentally bought a lip pencil rather than an eye pencil. I realized after I had already gotten home. Fuck it, I will bring it back later, I told myself. I certainly won't be lining my lips unless I suddenly find myself to be a Hispanic girl in a 90's R&B video.

Today was that fated day. After hitting every red light on Wolf Road, I turn into Colonie Center Mall, a place that has gotten too big for its britches. A Cheesecake Factory AND a PF Chang's? Has the Westchester Mall followed me all the way upstate? Will I soon have to pay 8 dollars to park?

I make an abrupt stop at a cross walk. A red faced woman in khaki capris is leading a gaggle of middle-aged men, all of whom have some sort of visible injury. I'll later realize she must have caused all those injuries with her bad attitude. It's like a middle America duck crossing, aptly taking place at a mall.

Now she is yelling, and she quickly turns toward me. "I KNOW YOU'RE FROM JERSEY BUT..." *warble warble warble* I don't know what the hell this ill-tempered woman says after this. I scrunch my face in disbelief and give her the middle finger because I am too shocked and confused to yell back. I stopped, I did not hit anyone, what is the issue? Most of her anger seemed to stem from my NJ license plate.

Dave calls her a "dumb bitch". This reminds me of a similar experience in which Mike retaliates with a series of rapid fire "OKs" launched at another needlessly irate woman. It doesn't sound abrasive, but oh did he put that woman in her place.

I am beginning to wonder if middle age is the time that females realize they may have gotten the short end of the stick. Judged by looks and apparel our entire lives, then menopause sets in, so does weight gain and irritability? Or maybe these women hate New Jersey with such a fiery passion they need to unleash it on anyone who shows visible evidence of its existence. Either way, I could fill a book with New Jersey jokes told by people who have been there once, when they were 3 years old.

I feel angry, and then I realize this woman hates everything including herself, and that makes me feel better. I return the pencil to a confused painted face at Sephora. It amazes me that these girls take the contents of the store and proceed to dump them onto their skin. Are they trying to sell this makeup or scare the shit out of the customers?

Either way upstate life is a lesson in....something. Fashion travesties? A need for 30 Applebee's locations? I don't know, but I like the fact that my state of origin keeps people away from me while driving. Or maybe that it invokes such anger from someone simply crossing the street that it's laughable.

Nose is running like a coke fiend's

I am getting into the bad habit of replacing breakfast with coffee. It makes me wired and ready to go for 8 hours of sitting and greeting people with variations of "Good Morning, How are you?"

That business developer was right. I should be writing a novel with all the time I have here. But mostly its squandered on reading other people's writing. Not such a bad thing, the best writers read voraciously. (OK well the online shopping is not doing much to edify myself)

This would be the perfect job for a very lazy human being. Or a retirement-age person with bad knees. I unfortunately find myself eating far too many vending machine snacks. I justify this by running on alternate days after work. No, I don't really need the "BIG BAG" of cookies, or the "LARGE SIZE" Reese's cups. I finally know what it means to eat out of boredom.

My self-esteem suffers when PhD holding scientists assume I am a career receptionist with no degree. Oh well, they are working to cure cancer, can't get too resentful. I tend to get along better with the janitors. I can't stand snobbery and they are so down to earth it's like they are burrowing underground. They know what it's like to work to pay bills, not for some greater cause. This is respectable, I admire them just as much.

I remember in Elementary and Middle School I thought I was going to be a doctor after my time at Harvard. Alternatively I ended up at SUNY Purchase as a journalism major that hates much of the modern media industry. So much for big dreams?

I don't necessarily like "Blogs"

So that's why I started one. If everyone else in the free world is polluting the internet with their banal garbage...why can't I? Seems like a good outlet, maybe I can become famous without really trying. (Does that ever happen?)

Write what you wish and people will read en mass. Better yet, take pictures of your outfits daily and wait for the praise to fill your inbox. Seems reasonable, and not at all vain.

I'm just really amazed that "journalism" and the media in general are praising well editied diaries. Everyone has an opinion and most of the time it's based on what you've learned in life thus far. You may have no wisdom, you may have a ton. You may be an eloquent writer, you may not understand the rules of the English language. It's ok, we can all meet at the internet and publish it for free!